Dear Luzuli, why does modern dating have to suck so much?
Oh dear, it doesn't.
The truth: being single in this modern age may feel like a curse. Because let's face it, things are a bit weird! Especially if you've been out of the dating game for awhile...let's say, pre-dating apps. Then it's a whole new world.
And especially when it comes to Bumble.
For those of us who are used to the guy making the first move in our previous dating life, Bumble is utterly strange. Wait, we swipe first? Okay, that's cool. Wait, we have to message them first?! Whyyyy though?
It's true. And this is where the generations may divide. Perhaps younger ladies revel in the fact that they're seemingly in control of the entire encounter, older women with more experience know what this can lead to firsthand.
Most men stop trying if they know they're being pursued.
Let's face it, they f'ing love the chase.
Yup, it's human behavior and the ugly truth, whether you like it or not. And yes, it's a general statement, but we're talking about the rule here, not the exception. Not those stories that you hear about a friend of a friend making the first move and it all working out in the end (aww, happy sigh...if only it were true most of the time).
Here's the reality.
You're sitting at home, feeling all sexy like in your silk kimono, maybe having a nightcap (whiskey on ice or tea, whichever is your thing) and you're swiping. Or scrolling. Whichever it is, hoping to land on someone of interest to you. And when you do, you may feel a bit nervous. Ok, we matched, now what? You've been down this road before and well, it's tricky.
We hear the same story over and over again. "We were chatting and then nothing." Or, "We just chat and nothing comes from it. He doesn't ever ask me out."
Yes, we're in a somewhat confusing era when it comes to dating. Do we as women go ahead and pursue a man yet still live happily ever after?
Well, we suppose anything is possible. And it would be great if that were the case.
But we're talking about reality here when it comes to men and women.
We're a women run brand. Single and dating women that know many other women in our same situation. And we ages ranging from 20s to 40s. So, plenty of experience in this arena.
And the thing we keep hearing is, we still want to be treated like a lady even if we have to make the first move according to a dating app. Old habits die hard. In most cases, we want to be pursed. We want to be taken out. We want to be wined and dined, or at least treated on a date even if it's casual.
But how do you even get to the date in the first place if you're on Bumble? An app that forces you to pursue? When some men, not all, expect that?
Well, after stumbling a bit in the beginning, we've figured some things out.
What we did wrong when it came to being a novice on Bumble:
- Not being clear in our bio about what we want and expect.
- Getting too hung up on the potential of a guy before even meeting him.
- Trying to set up a date when the guy is clearly just chatting with no intention of asking you out.
How to play Bumble if you're a red-blooded woman who prefers being pursued and treated like a lady:
- Be clear in your profile about what you expect from the Bumble dating experience. If you're tired of guys just chatting you up with no action, clearly state in your profile in a humorous non-serious way that you're not into chatting and you'd rather meet in person to see if there's chemistry first.
- The first message is often the hardest. Just keep it easy breezy. "Hey, how's it going?" has worked well for us.
- If they start chatting you up with no end in site, gently remind them that you're a little old school and would rather meet in person to get to know each other. If they're worth their salt, they'll agree to meet in person and stop the endless chatting.
- Also tell them when you're available. If they don't get the hint and ask you out, it's time to move on. Delete.
- Delete them if they don't get back to you in a reasonable amount of time. We're all busy, it's true. But if you're serious about dating, don't you want to date someone who has time for you? This is an indicator of what's to come.
- Don't get emotionally caught up in the chat before meeting them in person. You might be great on paper, but what about chemistry? It's super important!
But the most important? Know what you want and know your worth. And don't settle for less. Men actually really respect that in a woman.
Having true faith in your self worth is what it's all about. We talk from experience of being on both sides. That's huge part of what this brand is about. It's not just the kimonos and the skincare, but these are part of a bigger picture of treating yourself first.
When we say "play the game and win", we're not talking about beating potential partners in a power play. We're talking about being so okay with being on your own that you're able to bypass modern dating BS without getting caught up.
Let's also remember that guys can stumble a bit in the beginning. You don't have to get angry or demand that they treat you better, a gentle reminder can do the trick. Like we said, if they're worth their salt, they'll gladly take the advice if you give it in a respectful, even humorous way. You might be surprised at how they turn around. And if they don't, move on.
If you've been in the Bumble game for awhile, you may be feeling discouraged. We feel your pain! Take a break. Treat yourself. Take the time to work on your self worth and confidence to feel okay being alone. Buy yourself flowers, wear your silk kimono nightly to feel like the queen that you are and do the things you enjoy doing. This is key. When you're feeling good about yourself, you're less likely to put up with BS.
And trust us, there are guys out there that want to take you out and treat you like a lady if you so desire and let them.